Taylor Harris
College Composition and Research Narration Essay September 8, 2016 A Panicked Life I had my first anxiety attack in sixth grade. I couldn’t stop staring at my feet, I wasn’t breathing steady, and I couldn’t focus. My entire body was frozen. Quickly, it occurred to me that I was having an anxiety attack in front of my peers. This one event would not affect my life negatively forever, though. After having anxiety for this long, I have learned how to deal with my episodes in a public manner. I was in sixth grade when I first realized that I had anxiety. I was giving a book report in front of the class which should have taken no more than five minutes, but mine lasted at least twenty. I was stuttering, sweating, and couldn’t see straight. People were telling me to speak up, and my teacher was telling me to stop talking to the ground and talk to the people. I was mentally telling myself that this was no big deal, there were hundreds of more embarrassing moments I’ve had in life that trump this one tiny, miniscule book report. I was overcompensating, and I knew I needed to calm down. My anxiety after the book report had only increased in severity. I was soon not able to walk down the hallways and sometimes not even leave my house or property without thinking that all the people around me were staring at me, judging me, or laughing at me. My new “normal” was to experience panic attacks before and, sometimes, even during class. I was constantly avoiding my friends just to make it to the bathroom before bursting into tears all because one person smiled at me on my way to math. Dealing with anxiety is hard, especially when I had tons of other 13-year-old teenagers around me daily, but after having given what seemed like a million book reports and class presentations, I was learning to cope with my anxiety. I started by asking my parents what I could do to stop being as nervous when talking in front of people and what to do if I feel myself freaking out. My mom told me to pick a spot on the back wall and focus on that spot and that spot only, and to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth to calm me down. I though that idea was a good enough one to try, and that’s what I did when I had my next class presentation. I made it through my last year of middle school by using my parents’ advice constantly. Every class discussion or presentation I would pick one spot to concentrate on, whether it be on the floor, the wall, or even one of my best friends. I would say what I needed to say and then focus on breathing and calming myself down. High school was a place that started the system all over again. Freshman year was the pinnacle of it all because I started at a new school in the middle of a semester. I had to introduce myself to my classmates on numerous occasions and make presentations what seemed like every week. School is a time I associated with my anxiety and panic attacks, mainly for the fact that I learned it’s inevitable to never have to do class presentations. I get myself worked up beforehand, getting nervous and freaking out, and after I would get up in front of the class, I would freeze. I suddenly wouldn’t talk, I avoided eye contact at all costs, and I did the major no-no that teachers taught me not to do: I read to the board and not to the class. I spent an extremely long time trying to better myself and come to terms with the fact that talking to or in front of people is not an act to get all worked up about. I came to terms with and accepted my anxiety as a part of me that I have to live with and that I will never be comfortable standing in front of people, walking through crowded places, or talking in front of a crowd. Anxiety is merely a part of who I am, and after dealing with it for almost seven years, I accepted a long time ago that having public episodes is a risk that comes with it. I managed to come up with a system to help me stay as calm as possible in times that may spark an attack. Regardless of any support system or coping system, my episodes and attacks still happen. Anxiety is an aspect of my life I would overthink, but I stopped worrying about worrying other people in public. My attacks do not control my life as they used to since I found a coping mechanism to deal with these attacks both publicly and privately.
0 Comments
|
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |